May 05 2008
Is There A Secret Handshake Too?
A few pieces of sage wisdom were related to me once, and I thought I should pass it along to you.
When I was living in Central Florida, where teenage pregnancies and retired New Yorkers were the popular culture, I worked as a receptionist at an assembly plant. This is probably just the first of several stories you will hear about that incredibly charmed time in my life. As the main lobby receptionist, I met a whole host of interesting characters on a daily basis. Some were creepy, some were harmless and some were sage prophets who dropped knowledge on my ass and blew my mind. Including a bright, articulate engineer.
This guy was a regular in my office of oddities who often taunted me with tales of free travel. He worked for LiveTV, the people who put the little tv sets on Jet Blue airplanes. I have great admiration for these people. Anyway back to the point. Once, he came in with a handfull of FREE standby tickets to give to one of our account managers here. Just a little gift, he told me. He recieves TONS (his words) of them all the time, and gives them away. They are good for anywhere Jet Blue flies. That’s right. NYC, LA (well, Long Beach/Burbank really, but close enough!). I would kid with him sometimes and ask him when do I get one. I don’t need a stack of ‘em…just one or two will do. He laughs. He thinks I kid. Sometimes he’d come in and tell me to my face that he just got a call from a friend who wants to have dinner in New York, so he meets him there after work. SICK.
On this fateful day, the Ticket Teaser (or TT, as he will now be referenced as), had a different kind of story for me. I think the best way to share it is to tell it from his point of view. I may paraphrase a bit here, but this is the story he shared with me that morning, and now…I pass it on to you. Let me just state that this entire story was told to me in response to my half-kidding querie of when he was gonna give me a ticket so that I could go to California.
Listen up, ladies…
Oh, yeah, California, I was there a little bit ago. My friend convinced me to go to the San Diego Zoo. We had already been all over the place, you know Hollywood, the beach and stuff. I had gotten a watch tan, so I switched my watch to my right hand. So anyway, we go to the zoo and when we get there, there are all these people in red shirts. We were like “okay” and we kept going. So it’s just me and my boy, Todd hanging out, and we’re like ‘what’s up with the red shirts?’ So we get on the overhead trolley. Now the peole in the red shirts are all dancing. I said ‘hey Todd, let me see your camera’, so we zoomed in on these people, and they were dancing around in their red shirts, and they had their watches on their right hand, and then finally someone told me “oh yeah, it’s GAY DAY”.
Confused yet? By the way, when he said “me and my boy Todd”, I thought ‘i know you’re trying to sound masculine, but now you just sound like a gay pedophile’. Okay, back to TT’s story…yes here’s where the wisdom hits you like a flaming rainbow hammer.
SO i’m wondering why guys keep coming up to me, when it’s my friend Todd who just happens to be wearing a red shirt…until I realize I had my watch on my right hand. (perplexed look from me) You know, most gay men wear their watches on their right hand. And they drive little silver cars. Mostly Hondas, I think
ok i have to stop here, to tell you that this man is an engineer. Educated, well groomed, and usually pretty normal. This is the part where I look at him like he’s got 3 heads and ask him as kindly as I can where he gets these statistics from.
Well that guy at the zoo told me he assumed I was ‘a gay’ because of my watch. Plus, I have this next door neighbor, Jim, who’s a gay guy. And he has these barbeques and parties, and he and his friends all wear their watches on the right side, and I always see them pulling up in their little silver hondas. I have nothing against Hondas, they’re cute cars…I mean, I don’t drive one. Jim always has his watch on his right wrist. But he’s a good neighbor.
Sigh. If I had only known then what I know now. It would have saved me a whole lot of heartache in college if I had just learned to look for the watch-hand. That drawer-full of red t-shirts should have been a warning (red-flag??? HOW could I have missed THAT ONE?). And that Honda catalog stuffed under the mattress - yes with the post-it on the page with the silver sedan.
Ok, so calling all my gays, are there any other secret markers you all have? Is there a secret handshake? Also, is it different for Lesbians? Is there a whole different rule book for the girls? If i’m going to be the next gay icon, i’ll need to know…
Seriously, where do YOU where your watch?
7 Responses to “Is There A Secret Handshake Too?”
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Is there a secret handshake? Probably, but u know it doesnt involve hands shaking.
However, as a professional gay, I have not received the memo about silver Hondas OR watches worn on the right hand. I prefer Jeep type cars and if I choose to wear a watch, tho I thnk time is the real problem with the world, I would wear it on the opposite hand of which I write. Therefore, I would wear it on the left ( b/c I am a righty). I have heard that watches worn on the right hand are b/c those persons are Lefties. Is this true? I was always led to believe this but my childhood may also have been a lie, so who knows? If there was no time kept in the world, most fights and stresses of the world would not happen b/c we wouldnt know any better. Whoever invented time and clocks was a bitch. And probably a gay one who wore his watch on the right, drove a silver Honda, and had red hair whilst wearing a Red American Apparel deep Vee Neck to Disney Gays Days. Also, tho I am not a red head, I am pretty aware that most red heads should not wear red shirts for fear of clashing. What do red heads wear to announce to everyone that they are out, loud, and proud? Can they just sashe’ or chimmy past the giraffes? I would, and I would also throw a time step in there too. That is probably the “secret handshake” u want to see and know.
Tell TT to give me a call…
Well apparently the lesbians are trying to begin a “wear a purple string on your wrist” trend.
as a black woman I think several things about this story…
1. this guy is messed up
2. this guy is just talkin’ about white gay people
because the brothers I know are on the DL, except for one and he’s a fabulous drag queen so you know she don’t where no watch caus it clashes
3. i’m going to ask a sister about the purple string thing.
funny story.
This girl is FUNNY!!!
I must confess that I am a gay man and I always use a POCKET WATCH, who knows what THAT means??? And as a red head I never wear red T-shirts. I do like silver cars however my current car is blue, maybe I have silver envy…
As a gay, left-handed, red-headed, white male: I wear my watches on the right hand - but only if they match the outfit. I only wear it on the right hand so it’s one less thing to smudge or tear the paper with when writing. Or is that the only reason why?
I have no fear of wearing red. Little Orphan Annie could work it.